Chapter 21: Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral
If you could change anything right now about your life, what would it be?
If I could change anything right now about my life it would be my level of confidence as I go throughout my life. I feel like I often tend to not want to speak up or believe in myself because I lack confidence. The biggest problem that is causing me to want to change this is because I am not in the best living situation and constantly watch my mom get yelled at and just torn apart. I wish that I could help her in this case and help her build her confidence to fight back. However, I don’t even have enough confidence in myself to do that. I see that I lack confidence when I question myself on certain outfits or even why I am doing something throughout the day. Over the years, I have slowly built it up little by little, however, people just tear it down. I know it isn’t good to let others destroy your confidence. This isn’t confidence in the means of looks necessarily, its more my ability to speak up and feel good about myself mentally. To me, It feels like I’m climbing a ladder. I strive to keep climbing but certain figures in my life just push me back down to the bottom. I also wish that I could help others and stand up for them, like my mom. It makes me so frustrated that I often refrain from doing so because I lack the confidence.
If you could change anything right now about your life, what would it be?
If I could change anything right now about my life it would be my level of confidence as I go throughout my life. I feel like I often tend to not want to speak up or believe in myself because I lack confidence. The biggest problem that is causing me to want to change this is because I am not in the best living situation and constantly watch my mom get yelled at and just torn apart. I wish that I could help her in this case and help her build her confidence to fight back. However, I don’t even have enough confidence in myself to do that. I see that I lack confidence when I question myself on certain outfits or even why I am doing something throughout the day. Over the years, I have slowly built it up little by little, however, people just tear it down. I know it isn’t good to let others destroy your confidence. This isn’t confidence in the means of looks necessarily, its more my ability to speak up and feel good about myself mentally. To me, It feels like I’m climbing a ladder. I strive to keep climbing but certain figures in my life just push me back down to the bottom. I also wish that I could help others and stand up for them, like my mom. It makes me so frustrated that I often refrain from doing so because I lack the confidence.
Chapter 22: Repeat to Yourself “Life Isn’t an Emergency”
Describe a time or moments in your life when you turn something into an emergency.
I turn almost everything in my life into an emergency. Specifically when it comes to school, I often tend to overreact and turn all situations possible into an emergency. For example, when I have a ton of homework or test due the next day, I panic. Panic in the sense of shutting everyone else in my life out, I won’t eat, and I lock myself in my room until I get everything I need done. In these situations where I make it an emergency, I never take breaks when I should. I have realized after the many years of responding to situations like this that it is perfectly fine to take breaks. Another time I turn moments in life into an emergency is when my stepdad asks me to do the most random chores or what I like to call “slave work.” He will randomly text me to bring him something or hang up my little sisters laundry, to name a few. As soon as this text hits my phone, I stress myself out over it and jump up to get it done right away. Even if I was in the middle of a zoom call during COVID last year, I would still have gotten up to do it. Honestly, I believe that I react in this way because my mom has made his needs in this household a “must” before everything. It is almost like an ingrained demand in my head.
Describe a time or moments in your life when you turn something into an emergency.
I turn almost everything in my life into an emergency. Specifically when it comes to school, I often tend to overreact and turn all situations possible into an emergency. For example, when I have a ton of homework or test due the next day, I panic. Panic in the sense of shutting everyone else in my life out, I won’t eat, and I lock myself in my room until I get everything I need done. In these situations where I make it an emergency, I never take breaks when I should. I have realized after the many years of responding to situations like this that it is perfectly fine to take breaks. Another time I turn moments in life into an emergency is when my stepdad asks me to do the most random chores or what I like to call “slave work.” He will randomly text me to bring him something or hang up my little sisters laundry, to name a few. As soon as this text hits my phone, I stress myself out over it and jump up to get it done right away. Even if I was in the middle of a zoom call during COVID last year, I would still have gotten up to do it. Honestly, I believe that I react in this way because my mom has made his needs in this household a “must” before everything. It is almost like an ingrained demand in my head.
Chapter 23: Experiment with Your Back Burner
Analyze: "It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for."
For the issues we can’t necessarily solve on the spot, it takes a different source of our intelligence to work through it. Sometimes we need to not overthink the issues that are just impossible to fix. I tend to put the least important issues on the backburner. The conflict or tasks I take on are the ones that should be put on the backburner. For example, all I think about and try to fix is my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I never put this on the back burner. However, I put things like homework or college stuff on the backburner. I do this because I let certain conflicts just consume my mind and everything else gets put on the back burner. I need to think intelligently and not so deep about the problems that don’t ultimately matter in the end. I always put the issues that I can’t solve first, and the issues I can solve immediately last. I need to personally learn how to overcome listening to my anxiety and thoroughly think through what I’m putting first. For the problems I can’t come up with an immediate solution for, those need to go on the backburner. I feel like that intuitive voice in my mind plays a huge role in what I do and don’t put on the back burner.
Analyze: "It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for."
For the issues we can’t necessarily solve on the spot, it takes a different source of our intelligence to work through it. Sometimes we need to not overthink the issues that are just impossible to fix. I tend to put the least important issues on the backburner. The conflict or tasks I take on are the ones that should be put on the backburner. For example, all I think about and try to fix is my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I never put this on the back burner. However, I put things like homework or college stuff on the backburner. I do this because I let certain conflicts just consume my mind and everything else gets put on the back burner. I need to think intelligently and not so deep about the problems that don’t ultimately matter in the end. I always put the issues that I can’t solve first, and the issues I can solve immediately last. I need to personally learn how to overcome listening to my anxiety and thoroughly think through what I’m putting first. For the problems I can’t come up with an immediate solution for, those need to go on the backburner. I feel like that intuitive voice in my mind plays a huge role in what I do and don’t put on the back burner.
Chapter 24: Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank
Who is one person you would like to thank in this moment and why?
One person I would like to thank in this moment is my brother, Jake. Jake has been helping me quite often during the ups and downs I have been experiencing recently. I never usually recognize Jake’s actions because we like to pretend we hate eachother. However, we have our moments where I realize how lucky I am to have him. For example, Jake was planning on going to the movies with his friends in a few weeks. Jake knew I wanted to see the movie, but I didn’t have enough money to pay. So, he went ahead and paid for my ticket without asking any questions. This made me even more realize how Jake isn’t hesitant to help me out. He isn’t just like this with me, but with most of the people in his life. Jake is often the first friend to reach out and check on others and make them laugh. Also, I have realized how I get sad when Jake goes to my dads house. Sometimes, he will sleep on the floor in my room to keep me company and it makes me so happy. It is weird that I notice my mood change when he isn’t here. I don’t have this bond with my other sister, Izzy, and I have noticed that Jake and Izzy don’t have this same bond either. I do notice how Jake picks on me, however, he is always the first person to have my back no matter what.
Chapter #25: Smile at Strangers, Look Into Their Eyes, and Say Hello
When you read this chapter regarding eye contact and connect, what are your initial thoughts?
When I read this chapter, my initial thoughts were how uncomfortable eye contact can be sometimes. I think making eye contact is easier to talk to someone in a conversation, however, passing through the halls and just making eye contact with someone is so uncomfortable in my opinion. This made me think of how most people in general don’t make eye contact. My biggest pet peeve is when I’m having a conversation with someone and they don’t make eye contact with you. People will just look at other things or fidget and it is the most annoying thing. I also thought about how I used to say hello and look people in the eye when they stare at me but I’ve stopped doing that because people are just rude. I hate when people stare so I made it a goal to stare right back but acknowledge the person. Recently when I have done this, people just give me dirty looks or don’t say hello back. The most uncomfortable thing for me is when I smile at someone and they don’t even budge. Sometimes this reaction from others discourages me to smile at random strangers in general. I wish that society could be more accepting of random acts of kindness.
Chapter #26: Set Aside Quiet Time Every Day
When do you find a quiet moment in your day, everyday, just to be present and quiet? Do you? Or perhaps you don’t.. Explain.
I usually find a quiet moment in my day at night. Sometimes at night, I’ll walk to go get the mail just to get a quick breather and not have to focus on anything else. Other times, I like to sit on my floor and just lay there with my eyes shut. Doing this prevents me from actually falling asleep and I also get a second to just relax. It is sometimes hard for me to get this quiet time because of all the noise. My brain is constantly running and thinking about so many things. It is hard for me to actually accept that I can take a rest sometimes. I always feel like I should be going nonstop and when I take a break I feel guilty. I find it weird that most of us feel obligated to be going nonstop 24/7. I have realized how unhealthy this really is. When I take a break I am called “lazy” so that has ingrained it into my brain that taking quiet time is lazy.
Chapter #27: Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants and as 100 Year Old Adults
Describe a time you have been frustrated with someone, but you “let go” of the situation and moved forward with your life. How did that make you feel?
When asked this question, I think back to the time I got frustrated with one of my friends. She had done something that made me very embarrassed and upset. When things like this happen, it is really hard for me to let go. I feel that when I let go the person that frustrated me thinks its okay and will keep doing it. However, given the situation, I learned that letting go of the situation would make it better. There was nothing to do to necessarily solve the situation. Getting angry and emotional also didn’t make the situation better. When I “let go” of the situation, it made me more relieved. I was able to move on and not let that one moment change my entire attitude and day. I have to definitely learn how to do this more often. When I get frustrated, I never stop thinking about it. However, I have realized that this is the best way to deal with some of these situations.
Chapter #28: Seek First To Understand
Describe a situation where you didn’t seek to understand first. Was there resolution with this conflict?
A situation where I didn’t seek to understand first was when my friend had canceled plans with me to hangout. We had made plans and when I went to ask, they told me they didn’t want to go anymore. I immediately acted with anger and got mad at them. I didn’t take the time to understand that it is okay and to move on from it. Instead, I was more hostile and aggressive towards them. I didn’t take the time to look at things from their point of view or understand that they could be facing something as well. I didn’t look to understand that perhaps they had something personal come up or they were just having a bad day. Instead, I looked at things in a negative light and assumed I was the problem. I assumed I was the problem and that I had done something wrong to them. So, not only was I frustrated with the person for canceling plans, I was also confused and trying to figure out what I had done wrong. There was resolution with this conflict thankfully. The person ended up reaching out to me apologizing for their actions- in turn, I did the same. We both acknowledged that the lack of communication only worsened the situation. We agreed to communicate better and not take things out or personally on each other.
Describe a situation where you didn’t seek to understand first. Was there resolution with this conflict?
A situation where I didn’t seek to understand first was when my friend had canceled plans with me to hangout. We had made plans and when I went to ask, they told me they didn’t want to go anymore. I immediately acted with anger and got mad at them. I didn’t take the time to understand that it is okay and to move on from it. Instead, I was more hostile and aggressive towards them. I didn’t take the time to look at things from their point of view or understand that they could be facing something as well. I didn’t look to understand that perhaps they had something personal come up or they were just having a bad day. Instead, I looked at things in a negative light and assumed I was the problem. I assumed I was the problem and that I had done something wrong to them. So, not only was I frustrated with the person for canceling plans, I was also confused and trying to figure out what I had done wrong. There was resolution with this conflict thankfully. The person ended up reaching out to me apologizing for their actions- in turn, I did the same. We both acknowledged that the lack of communication only worsened the situation. We agreed to communicate better and not take things out or personally on each other.
Chapter #29: Become a Better Listener
Who is someone that you can genuinely talk to, that you will know will listen to you. Describe this relationship.
Someone that I can genuinely talk to that I know will listen is Morty. I constantly struggle with problems at home, with my friends, and even with myself. It makes it easy to talk to Morty because she is neutral and doesn’t take sides like other people in my life would. Morty gives advice from an overarching perspective. If I talk to my mom about things, she tends to be very biased and constantly compares her past to me. She will tell me that my problems are nothing as bad as hers. My friends tend to only hear what they want and give me advice to better suit them. However, Morty takes time to listen to my constant rants and problems no matter what time of day. I feel so close and comfortable with Morty. It is crazy because I never saw myself growing so close to any teacher on campus like I am to Morty. The even crazier part is that I used to be terrified of her. Freshman year me would have never even envisioned myself to where I am right now. Morty and I have had deep conversations, some good, others bad. Morty has helped me through a breakup, navigating health issues, and just been someone I can call to cheer me up. She is honestly like my second mom and I feel comfortable sharing anything with her. Morty is basically my safety outlet and I am so grateful to have someone like her.
Who is someone that you can genuinely talk to, that you will know will listen to you. Describe this relationship.
Someone that I can genuinely talk to that I know will listen is Morty. I constantly struggle with problems at home, with my friends, and even with myself. It makes it easy to talk to Morty because she is neutral and doesn’t take sides like other people in my life would. Morty gives advice from an overarching perspective. If I talk to my mom about things, she tends to be very biased and constantly compares her past to me. She will tell me that my problems are nothing as bad as hers. My friends tend to only hear what they want and give me advice to better suit them. However, Morty takes time to listen to my constant rants and problems no matter what time of day. I feel so close and comfortable with Morty. It is crazy because I never saw myself growing so close to any teacher on campus like I am to Morty. The even crazier part is that I used to be terrified of her. Freshman year me would have never even envisioned myself to where I am right now. Morty and I have had deep conversations, some good, others bad. Morty has helped me through a breakup, navigating health issues, and just been someone I can call to cheer me up. She is honestly like my second mom and I feel comfortable sharing anything with her. Morty is basically my safety outlet and I am so grateful to have someone like her.
Chapter #30: Choose Your Battles Wisely
Describe a time when you lost your “Shhhh” and in reality it wasn’t worth the energy. How did you feel after the confrontation? Could it have gone differently if you don't sweat the small stuff?
A time I lost my “Shhh” was when my mom had a day where she was just constantly attacking me. She kept yelling at me for little things and it was slowly putting me on edge. After being attacked so much, I attacked back and yelled at my mom. Instead of sitting back to look at the situation, I reacted with aggression. I didn’t take the time to see that she was already stressed and my laziness didn’t help the situation. I wasn’t thinking about my actions because she had initially already made me so mad. After the confrontation, I just felt like I was in more trouble and didn’t fix a single thing. My mom was even more mad at me, which affects me a lot. This situation could have definitely gone differently if I didn’t sweat the small stuff. I could have calmly approached her instead of directly just attacking her. I could have talked to her in a more mature manner than yelling.
Describe a time when you lost your “Shhhh” and in reality it wasn’t worth the energy. How did you feel after the confrontation? Could it have gone differently if you don't sweat the small stuff?
A time I lost my “Shhh” was when my mom had a day where she was just constantly attacking me. She kept yelling at me for little things and it was slowly putting me on edge. After being attacked so much, I attacked back and yelled at my mom. Instead of sitting back to look at the situation, I reacted with aggression. I didn’t take the time to see that she was already stressed and my laziness didn’t help the situation. I wasn’t thinking about my actions because she had initially already made me so mad. After the confrontation, I just felt like I was in more trouble and didn’t fix a single thing. My mom was even more mad at me, which affects me a lot. This situation could have definitely gone differently if I didn’t sweat the small stuff. I could have calmly approached her instead of directly just attacking her. I could have talked to her in a more mature manner than yelling.
Chapter #31: Become Aware of Your Moods and Don’t Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by the Low Ones
Explain a time when you were in a bad mood and how it shaped your day. Vise versa, explain a time you were in a great mood and discuss the day you had.
During a time when I was in a bad mood, it really affected my day. When I’m in a bad mood, I get really down and seclude myself. I also get really depressed and end up shutting everyone out. It really doesn't make my day great at all. I really let it get to me and it will ruin my whole day. I also don’t perform as well, which will lead to it being harder to focus in class. On the days I’m in a great mood, I am really grateful for it. On these “good mood” days, I feel happy, confident, and like I have not a care in the world. It is also easier for me to go about my day when I am in a better mood because I have more motivation to do things. On days I’m in a bad mood, I kind of just give up on everything. When I’m in a great mood, I feel just so much better and more successful.
Explain a time when you were in a bad mood and how it shaped your day. Vise versa, explain a time you were in a great mood and discuss the day you had.
During a time when I was in a bad mood, it really affected my day. When I’m in a bad mood, I get really down and seclude myself. I also get really depressed and end up shutting everyone out. It really doesn't make my day great at all. I really let it get to me and it will ruin my whole day. I also don’t perform as well, which will lead to it being harder to focus in class. On the days I’m in a great mood, I am really grateful for it. On these “good mood” days, I feel happy, confident, and like I have not a care in the world. It is also easier for me to go about my day when I am in a better mood because I have more motivation to do things. On days I’m in a bad mood, I kind of just give up on everything. When I’m in a great mood, I feel just so much better and more successful.
Chapter #32- Life is a Test. It is Only a Test.
“As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with right now.” Explain your logic and emotions behind this situation. Can you rise above it?
I am forced to deal with many different things in my life right now. My life has been throwing me multiple tests and sometimes it is very difficult to deal with. One more recent curveball that has been thrown at me is having to deal with my health issues. This is a harder test to deal with at times because it puts me on the fence with what to do. Additionally, it makes it harder for me to want to push through like I would with any other test in life when I am falling weaker as the health issue progresses. My logic with this specific test in life is that every effort I make in order to take on this test results in something else. For example, if I chose to have surgery ASAP the problem will be resolved, however, growing cysts will be my forever reality. Or, I could decide to get my ovaries taken out completely which will result in me not being able to have my own children. All of these different circumstances and decisions accompany an end result that puts me on the fence. I have very mixed emotions about these tests being thrown at me in life. Obviously, I face more tests than just my health issues. Recently, it is getting harder to take these tests on because I am so tired from my constant health issues. Despite all of this, I have learned that optimism is what will get me through it. The only way I can get through these tests at my best capability is by being optimistic. I must take on this test and challenge with an open, however, realistic mindset. Also, never giving up is key in this process.
“As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with right now.” Explain your logic and emotions behind this situation. Can you rise above it?
I am forced to deal with many different things in my life right now. My life has been throwing me multiple tests and sometimes it is very difficult to deal with. One more recent curveball that has been thrown at me is having to deal with my health issues. This is a harder test to deal with at times because it puts me on the fence with what to do. Additionally, it makes it harder for me to want to push through like I would with any other test in life when I am falling weaker as the health issue progresses. My logic with this specific test in life is that every effort I make in order to take on this test results in something else. For example, if I chose to have surgery ASAP the problem will be resolved, however, growing cysts will be my forever reality. Or, I could decide to get my ovaries taken out completely which will result in me not being able to have my own children. All of these different circumstances and decisions accompany an end result that puts me on the fence. I have very mixed emotions about these tests being thrown at me in life. Obviously, I face more tests than just my health issues. Recently, it is getting harder to take these tests on because I am so tired from my constant health issues. Despite all of this, I have learned that optimism is what will get me through it. The only way I can get through these tests at my best capability is by being optimistic. I must take on this test and challenge with an open, however, realistic mindset. Also, never giving up is key in this process.
Chapter #33- Praise and Blame Are All the Same
You will not please everyone….how does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
This statement is very accurate and also a hard concept for me to grasp at times. This is difficult for me to grasp because I am a people pleaser and I really use making people happy as a motivation in my life. If I can’t make someone happy, I get hard on myself. This is not a good trait because it is obvious that I won’t be able to make every single person happy. I feel like we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive because it is easier to dwell on negative thoughts. The human brain is trained to focus on negative experiences rather than the positive ones. Negative experiences hold a bigger scar which leaves a bigger impact than the positive ones. Many positive experiences happen, however we are so used to it that the negative ones clash down on us. Negative experiences shape how we proceed on with many things in our lives. This is often because we aren’t used to experiencing negative things.
You will not please everyone….how does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
This statement is very accurate and also a hard concept for me to grasp at times. This is difficult for me to grasp because I am a people pleaser and I really use making people happy as a motivation in my life. If I can’t make someone happy, I get hard on myself. This is not a good trait because it is obvious that I won’t be able to make every single person happy. I feel like we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive because it is easier to dwell on negative thoughts. The human brain is trained to focus on negative experiences rather than the positive ones. Negative experiences hold a bigger scar which leaves a bigger impact than the positive ones. Many positive experiences happen, however we are so used to it that the negative ones clash down on us. Negative experiences shape how we proceed on with many things in our lives. This is often because we aren’t used to experiencing negative things.
Chapter #34- Praise Random Acts of Kindness
Describe a time when you complete RAK and how did it make you feel?
I love completing RAK all the time. When I complete RAK, it makes me feel relieved and that I had a positive impact on someone else. I love making others happy, especially my friends. Completing these RAK gives me so much joy. I get joy from seeing other people around me happy. Specifically, doing something nice for someone that isn’t used to getting nice things done for them. RAK makes me feel so happy for the people around me. It is just so invigorating to see people so astonished when you do something nice. Society has changed in a way to where now we don’t expect kindness as often from others. RAK will set people completely off guard.
Describe a time when you complete RAK and how did it make you feel?
I love completing RAK all the time. When I complete RAK, it makes me feel relieved and that I had a positive impact on someone else. I love making others happy, especially my friends. Completing these RAK gives me so much joy. I get joy from seeing other people around me happy. Specifically, doing something nice for someone that isn’t used to getting nice things done for them. RAK makes me feel so happy for the people around me. It is just so invigorating to see people so astonished when you do something nice. Society has changed in a way to where now we don’t expect kindness as often from others. RAK will set people completely off guard.